IM Dissing
by Aeron Thana and Yue Helios
Summary: Percy disses the Olympians. Who will win? Who will lose? Feel free to use the disses whenever you want.
1. Zeus

_Zeus is online._

_Waterboy is online._

Zeus: What r u doing here boy?

Waterboy: Last time I checked this was a public chatroom.

Zeus: What do you want boy?

Waterboy: A goldfish. OR MAYBE YOU STOP TRYING TO ZAP ME OUT OF THEY SKY!

Zeus: Nah.

Waterboy: At least im not trying to zap friends out of the sky.

Zeus: That's because you don't have that ability.

Waterboy: That's it! Diss off! And no zapping!

Zeus: Fine.

Waterboy: You know, you must have been born on a highway cuz that's where most accidents happen.

Zeus: It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork.

Waterboy: Shut up or you'll never be the man your mother is.

Zeus: If you were twice as smart, you'll still be stupid.

Waterboy: At least I admit.

Waterboy: You must be the arithmetic man; you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.

Zeus: We all sprang from apes but you didn't spring far enough.

Waterboy: You're so ugly that when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.

Zeus: I would ask how old you are but I don't think you can count that high.

Waterboy: You're so ugly that Hello Kitty said goodbye to you.

Zeus: Jesus thinks you're a dumbass.

Waterboy: Yo mama so fat wen she jumped in the ocean the whales started singin "We Are Family"

Zeus: Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was.

Waterboy: Your mamma so fat she has to wear 2 watches because she covers two time zones

Zeus: Why don't you shut up and give that hole in your face time to heal.

Waterboy: Being around you is like having a cancer of the soul.

Zeus: You're so ugly when you popped out the doctor said aww what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it.

Waterboy: Your mamma is so ugly… she just gotta be your mamma.

Zeus: Your momma's so ugly she turned Medusa to stone.

Waterboy: You're so ugly when you were born the doctors didn't know if they should put you in a cradle or a cage.

Zeus: With a face like yours, I wish I was blind.

Waterboy: You are so ugly when you were born the doctor said "I'm gonna drop it, if it falls is a rat, if it flies is a bat."

Zeus: You're an accident waiting to happen. Good thing I didn't wait that long.

Waterboy: Your parent made a mistake. Its name was Zeus.

Zeus: That's it. I give up. You win.

Waterboy: Go me!

Zeus: Yeah go you… I hope it's far away enough.

Waterboy: I hope you go farther.

_Zeus is offline._

_Waterboy is offline._


	2. Hera

_Waterboy is online._

_Hera: is online._

Waterboy: Let's have a diss off.

Hera: Fine. I will also not fry your head off as well.

Waterboy: Go away. I was looking at something better than you.

Hera: Appearances can be deceiving. Or in your case… disgusting.

Waterboy: They can't measure your intelligence. The scale doesn't go that low.

Hera: Your foot's the perfect size… for your mouth.

Waterboy: Know what I like about your face? Me neither.

Hera: You're a person of rare intelligence. It's rare when you show any.

Waterboy: This is what I call a blind date. Now I want to be blind.

Hera: When you were born something terrible happened. You lived.

Waterboy: Why don't you blow your brains out? You've got nothing to lose.

Hera: May I have the pleasure of your absence.

Waterboy: Pardon me but you're obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.

Hera: if you had a second brain it would be lonely

Waterboy: Don't you need a license to be that ugly?

Hera: No you don't.

Waterboy: Ha, so you admit you're ugly

Hera: Fine, you win.

_Hera is offline._

_Waterboy is offline._

**Sorry it's so short. Please review and tell me if you like it?**


	3. Hades

_Hades is online._

_Waterboy is online._

Hades: Hello boy.

Waterboy: Hey. Do you want to have a diss off?

Hades: Sure.

Waterboy: Yo mamma so stupid she got locked in a supermarket and starved.

Hades: Oh yeah? Why the hell are you so fat?

Waterboy: Hey, im fat, your ugly, but I can lose weight.

Hades: You were the first one to get a brain… before they were perfected.

Waterboy: When they were giving out brains, you thought they said grains, you said "make mine oatmeal."

Hades: When they were giving out heads, you thought they said sheds, you said "give me a nice wooden one."

Waterboy: I am not offended by that. I just glad you're stringing words into sentences now.

Hades: When you were giving out brains, you thought they said canes, you said "I wont need one of those."

Waterboy: I am not offended by that, I get offended by things that make sense.

Hades: Keep talking, someday u will say something intelligent.

Waterboy: Under the word "ugly" in a dictionary, you will find a picture of you.

Hades: Too bad there isn't a vaccine for stupidity.

Waterboy: Yo momma so fat she walked out in high heels and came back in flip flops.

Hades: Yo mamma so fat she threw a rock at the ground and missed!

Waterboy: Yo mamma so stupid she jumped off the boat and missed the water!

Hades: Yo mamma so ugly that for Halloween people went as her.

Waterboy: Yo mamma so fat when she hugs you, you get lost in her wrinkles.

Hades: Yo mamma so fat that you can slap her legs and ride the waves.

Waterboy: Forget the ugly stick. You're the ugly forest.

Hades: I thought of you the whole day… I was at the zoo.

Waterboy: Oh I remember you at the zoo! I was the one throwing peanuts at you.

Hades: That's it, you win.

Waterboy: Woo Hooo!

_Waterboy is offline._

_Hades is offline._


	4. Hermes

**_Sorry it took so long to update. With the end of school here I just got busy. Sorry if you think it is short._**

_Hermes is online._

_Waterboy is online._

Waterboy: Hi Hermes!

Hermes: How did you know it was me?

Waterboy: Uhhhh… cause it's your username?

Hermes: Oh…yeah…your right.

Waterboy: …

Hermes: Soooo…I heard you beat Hades, Hera and Zeus in a diss off.

Waterboy: Yeah.

Hermes: Well, I bet you can't beat the King of Disses.

Waterboy: Really? Well if you see him, tell him to give me a call.

Hermes: Oh, that's it! You're on!

Waterboy: On what? The ground?

Hermes: But other than that.

Waterboy: The…grass?

Hermes: Wrong. It's something you'd never guess it was.

Waterboy: The…sky?

Hermes: Ugh…wait…what were we talking about again?

Waterboy: Scroll up and see.

Hermes: … I knew that

Waterboy: Whatever you say Hermes.

Hermes: How did you know I was Hermes?

Waterboy: *face palm* Idiot

Hermes: Hey! I read that.

Waterboy: Yes. I know. I wanted you to. That's why I typed it and pressed the enter button.

Hermes: Wait… I've been pressing the send button the entire time and you could have pressed enter instead? Dang.

Waterboy: *face palm*

Hermes: So what were we talking about?

Waterboy: *face palm*

Hermes: If you keep on doing that you are going to get a red face.

Waterboy: I'm not actually doing that. I just put it there saying I wanted to.

Hermes: So why don't you do it?

Waterboy: Are you sure you are not the god of stupidity?

Hermes: Nope, that's Ares.

Waterboy: I have to agree with you on that one.

Hermes: I like pie.

Waterboy: Who doesn't?

Hermes: Athena. She likes pi instead.

Waterboy: I looked up pi and got 3. 1 4 1 5 9 2 6 5 3 5 8 9 7 9 3 2 3 8 4 6 2 6 4 3 3 8 3 2 7 9 5 0 2 8 8 4 1 9 7 1 6 9 3 9 9 3 7 5 1 0 5 8 2 0 9 7 4 9 4 4 5 9 2 3 0 7 8 1 6 4 0 6 2 8 6 2 0 8 9 9 8 6 2 8 0 3 4 8 2 5 3 4 2 1 1 7 0 6 7 9

Hermes: Why are there spaces between each one?

Waterboy: 'Cause then pi would be a space below it and it would look cooler spaced out.

Hermes: Oh and I forgot to type this: ARGGHHH! It's math! I'm scared! I'm allergic!

Waterboy: Is it even possible to be allergic to math?

Hermes: Yes. It is cancer of the soul.

Waterboy: Talking or chatting with you in general is cancer of the soul.

Hermes: *gasp* you are defending math!

Waterboy: No. I just never miss a chance to insult you. And don't do that *gasp* thing? You are sounding like Aphrodite if Annabeth and I break up.

Hermes: Actually. It would be more like: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Over and over again, so do me a favor and don't break up with Annabeth. It would cause me too much ear blood and damage.

Waterboy: Well that would be the second thing you damaged. The first is your brain. I bet when you were born and wanted to know what it felt like to hit your head on a stone so you fell out of your cradle and hit your head on a stone.

Hermes: It was fun.

Waterboy: You actually did that?

Hermes: Yep. :D

Waterboy: k then.

Hermes: The sky sucks.

Waterboy: Zeus is mad at you.

Hermes: How did you know?

Waterboy: Because thunder just fried the statue of William H. Steward** (also known as Bob the first statue activated in The Last Olympian. Percy nicknamed him Bob, just like the Titan that Percy fell in with in the River Lethe. Icarus is now Bob the Titan)** at Central Park.

Hermes: You can see Central Park from your apartment?

Waterboy: Nope. I'm at a café in Central Park.

Hermes: Wouldn't someone steal it?

Waterboy: Are you here at the café?

Hermes: No.

Waterboy: Then I wouldn't be afraid of someone stealing my laptop.

Hermes: But there are other people beside me that can steal from you.

Waterboy: I have a tracker attached to it so I can see where it is from my phone and from my mom's phone. And I have Taser attached to it so if you pick it up before typing in the passcode then it will shock you.

Hermes: So pretty much only Thalia can steal it from you without you knowing.

Waterboy: Yeah. I have a question for you.

Hermes: Yeah?

Waterboy: You're old.

Hermes: That is an offending non-question.

Waterboy: Okay fine. Why are you so old?

Hermes: Cause I'm a person.

Waterboy: No, you're a god… or are you?

Hermes: I'm over 500 years old!

Waterboy: So you admit you are old?

Hermes: Yes…I mean no… yes...no?

Waterboy: Well which is it?

Hermes: …

Waterboy: …

Hermes: …

Waterboy: …

Hermes: …

Waterboy: …

Hermes: …

Waterboy: …

Hermes: borreeeddddd…

Waterboy: borreeeddddd…

Hermes: are u copying me?

Waterboy: no

Hermes: but you have the exact same r's, and e's and d's as mine.

Waterboy: lucky press

Hermes: k.

Waterboy: im tired

Hermes: Im Hermes, what happened to Percy?

Waterboy: Hahaha.

_Hermes is offline._

_Waterboy is offline._

**Oh and by the way, I've been getting requests of who goes next. Here is the list so far:**

**5) Apollo**

**6) Ares**

**7) Poseidon**

**8) Athena**

**9) Aphrodite**

**I'll do the rest like Artemis, Demeter, Dionysus, and maybe even Prometheus and Kronos and some minor gods if you ask me to. The first people who review from now will get to choose the rest of the order I'll finish it up in. Choose quickly. I'll update the list with every story.**


	5. Apollo

_Waterboy is online._

_Apollo is online._

Waterboy: Yo, Apollo. I beat Hermes, you dad, Hades, and Hera in a diss off.

Apollo: And you think you can beat me too?

Waterboy: No…

Apollo: Thought so.

Waterboy: … but I think, Percy Jackson, savior of Olympus, king of disses, can.

Apollo: Oh that's it, your ON.

Waterboy: … the ground.

Apollo: I heard you used that on Hermes, well aren't we getting old.

Waterboy: Yes but you are old_-er_.

Apollo: Well then if ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.

Waterboy: Have you ever considered suing your brain for non-support? Well you should.

Apollo: But if you had another brain, it would be lonely.

Waterboy: I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works. Oh wait, I thought it was the non-support you're getting from your brain.

Apollo: So a thought crosses your mind, must have been a long and lonely journey.

Waterboy: Yo mammas so fat she walked past the window and we lost three days of sunlight.

Apollo: Yo mammas so fat she sat on Wal-Mart and lowered the prices.

Waterboy: Yo mamma's so fat she makes Godzilla look like an action figure.

Apollo: Yo mammas so fat she doesn't eat animal crackers, she eats animals _with_ crackers.

Waterboy: You're so old Jesus is in your yearbook.

Apollo: You're so poor you eat cereal with a fork to save milk.

Waterboy: You're so ugly when you hid behind a tree it ran away in terror.

Apollo: Grrrr… humph. I give in.

Waterboy: Give in what?

Apollo: I give up.

Waterboy: Whoop!

Apollo: Ahhhh! Earthquake!

Waterboy: So that's your weakness.

Apollo: No, I was just kidding.

Waterboy: Sureeee…

Apollo: What? I _was_ kidding.

Waterboy: And you're a girl.

Apollo: No I'm not! What does that have to do with our conversation?

Waterboy: *facepalm*

Apollo: *super mega facepalm*

Waterboy: *super mega ultra facepalm*

Apollo: Ouch. My forehead.

Waterboy: *facepalm*

_Waterboy is offline._

_Apollo is offline._

**Here is the list updated a bit:**

**6) Ares**

**7) Poseidon**

**8) Athena**

**9) Aphrodite**

**10) Hestia**

**Again…**

**I'll do the rest like Artemis, Demeter, Dionysus, and maybe even Prometheus and Kronos and some minor gods if you ask me to. The first people who review from now will get to choose the rest of the order I'll finish it up in. Choose quickly. I'll update the list with every story.**


	6. Ares

**Hi! Sorry for not updating. Busy. Here's the chapter!**

_Ares is online._

_Waterboy is online._

Ares: What are you doing here punk?

Waterboy: Like I said to Zeus, this is a public chatroom.

Ares: Public chatroom my {Please enjoy the beauty of nature as we censor this message for the good of your health.}

Waterboy: Well wasn't that rude.

Ares: {This message has been blocked out for your own good. Good day.} you.

Waterboy: Meanie.

Ares: I am the god of meanness. Kiss my feet, b** {This quote is from The Chronicles of a Teenage Mermaid and the Olympians by AnastasiaPhoenix1678, who got it from TotalDramaKingdomHearts. I hope this disclaimer has distracted you from the words Ares didn't necessarily need to used, but used anyway} **-es.

Waterboy: Well wasn't that unneeded.

Ares: It was very needed.

Waterboy: Whatever lets you sleep at night.

Ares: The god of war, does NOT sleep. Sleeping is for wimps.

Waterboy: No wonder I could kick your ass **(I decided just to show the curse words, it's much easier)** at the age of 12.

Ares: Watch it, punk.

Waterboy: Watch what?

Ares: Idiot.

Waterboy: I know you are but what am I?

Ares: Shut up.

Waterboy: Shut don't go up, prices do, so take your advice and shut up too. **(This part I took from Surprise, Surprise by The Ghost Princess. I'm just giving people their credit because I guess it's not fair if they don't)**

Ares: Why didn't I beat you to a pulp when I had the chance?

Waterboy: Because you never had a chance. You never will. And even if you had a chance, you couldn't beat me.

Ares: Grrrr…

Waterboy: What are you, a stuffed teddy bear?

Ares: Grrr…

Waterboy: Jeez, your mother should have thrown _you_ off the cliff instead of Hephaestus.

Ares: (seething at his computer)

Waterboy: What? No response? Chicken?

Ares: Grrr…

Waterboy: Bawk! Bawk! Bawk!

Ares: You're crossing the line now punk!

Waterboy: What line? I don't see any line?

Ares: The line your crossing now!

Waterboy: The line only your stupidity allows you to see?

Ares: PUNK!

Waterboy: I guess your brain doesn't allow you to remember names. I guess it's too tiny.

Ares: (seethes)

Waterboy: Tinier than I thought.

Ares: Why did I swear not to hurt you?

Waterboy: Cause you're the idiot you are.

Ares: (grumbling)

Waterboy: Well, this was fun.

Ares: Something fun would be blowing your brains out. Poseidon can't kill me for that because you have nothing to lose.

Waterboy: :(

Ares: HA!

Waterboy: Oh, and P.S. you never swore not to hurt me.

_Waterboy is now offline._

Ares: PUNK! *&^* YOU! #$%^&*

_Ares is offline._

__**I know I haven't updated in forever. But while I was going through my traffic stats, this is what was going on through my head, "Oh my GODS! 2,948 FREAKING HITS! YES! 19 ALERTS! 18 FAVS!" I don't mean to be bragging. But it's just that that's a big number for me. I'm just freaking surprised. **

**Thanks to: 101EmilyROx, **andi21**, avrilkitties,** awesomewarrior**, cheerleader115, **Emotional Techno Bite,** Hannibalrider,** LIFE-Anime-DEATH,** LynnieLain,** Madipwns512,** MyUniversalWorld, **PercyJacksonfan4life,** Resa Hemoor, **Stardustthecursedmermaid,** stormcallerofthesky, **Thalia Marie Grace,** xblackwingedangelx, and** xHotxAsXiceX** for favoriting!**

**Thanks to: **Bananaspwn**, Thalia Marie Grace, **Gm**, happyfacehappyface,** Useless Wishing**, gfgh,** i 3 ice cream**, Artemis,** Emotional Techno Bite,** 7o8i7p9u, **cerberus**, IFoundAPickle, **cierra,** L.S., **anon,** Athena, **IceColdHeart**, Rachel E Dare,** GlowingGoddess,** xBlackwingedangelX, and **vea-chanlusmonsters101** for the reviews.**

**Thanks to: 101EmilyRox, **blackandwhitephotos, **Chenoamisae, **DemiGodLover, **Emotional Techno Bite_,_**Hannabalrider, **'.it.i', **LegendOfZeldaFreak, **LIFE-Anime-DEATH, **LynnieLain, **Madipwns, **MyUniversalWorld, **silverwolf316, **Steph2500, **stormcallerofthesky, **Thalia Marie Grace, **TheJazzyDolphin**, Useless Wishing,** and xHotxAsxIcex for the alerts.**

THANKS TO THE READERS OUT THERE!

**Here is the list updated a bit:**

**7) Poseidon**

**8) Athena**

**9) Aphrodite**

**10) Hestia**

**Again…**

**I'll do the rest like Artemis, Demeter, Dionysus, and maybe even Prometheus and Kronos and some minor gods if you ask me to. The first people who review from now will get to choose the rest of the order I'll finish it up in. Choose quickly. I'll update the list with every story.**


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